At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
