$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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