I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
