Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
