I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
