Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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