Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
