I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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