We got so high we made milksteak
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
