one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
