and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
