Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this just has baby written all over it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
