We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
