He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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