Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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