I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
