Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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