some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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