Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
