Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
