Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
