Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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