T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize