Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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