It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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