Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
