I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
