last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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