ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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