Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
