the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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