He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
