i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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