so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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