don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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