I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
