im drinking this country out of the recession.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
