dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
