Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
