Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
