I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
