I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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