Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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