our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
