YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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