how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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