I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
