I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
