The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
