summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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