oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we made out on top of his cat.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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