you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
