the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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