i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
