I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
two words: eviction party
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
