Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize