It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
