Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize