if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
