youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
nutella sex= disaster
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
