Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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