I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
