It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
