So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
