I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He? As in you personified your dick?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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