yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
