Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
