So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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